The need for a long and insightful post has come up, as I am horribly distraught right now. I am in the midst of a problem that goes back throughout my childhood, crashing into me in a present form with the weight of a fucking freight train. It seems like this one problem is always going to be around me my whole life, and if I can manage to get myself away from it completely, my god...I will have accomplished the biggest and most meanignful goal in my life.

That problem? Addiction.

Most people would scoff at a problem like that. It sounds like something presented to a high school in another shitty powerpoint presentation, hosted by Raine Maida, featuring the music of Sum 41. Well, maybe it is, I don't know, but the way it looks to me these days, no one takes it seriously. Cartainly people my age don't take it seriously, which why I have a tendancy to hate them all. Call me bias and judgemental, but it's what I've gathered throughout my 17 years on this planet so far.

But I digress.

My problems deal mostly with addictions to substances. Drugs, alcohol, nicotine...take your pick, and I guarantee I've been there. I'm not saying that I'm special or different from anyone else with problems, I know we're all fucked up in some way, I just think that when it comes to shit like this....I know a HELL OF ALOT more than you, or anyone else I know does.

People tell me to lighten up, that they're just having fun. Drinking, smoking pot, whatever. They're not doing it all the time...just "recreationally".

Hmm, well have you ever been in the presence of 45 year old people who once did all the thins you're doing "recreationally" as you say? Have you ever walked around the homewood, seeing and talking to people who's lives have been ruined completely by doing something "recreationally"?

I have.

Basically, I'm sick and tired of people being so fucking ignorant about addiction. People always assume that is won't happen to them, that they have more control. No one seems to realize that an addiction truly can happen to anyone. It literally feel sick to my stomach these days when I see my friends drinking to excess and smoking pot. I just can't believe that they think they are invincible to the effects of these drugs.

In my home life, I've experienced more with drugs than most people will ever experience in their lives. I guess it comes from having musicians/artists as parents, free-spirits so to speak. My parents used to get drunk, smoke weed and do all sorts of drugs...right in my livingroom. I remember being maybe 6 years old, and having my entire first floor filled with smoke, and seeing my parents' friends crowding around a bong in my livingroom. I ask you....is this ok for a child to grow up with? I thought it was normal at the time. As I got older...I not only saw these people drunk and high, but I saw them when they weren't. Depressed, unemployed, sick, and generally just in horrible shape.

I guess I'm just fed up with people seeing addiction as an empty threat used to stop them from having their fun. People don't realize that it is very real. I don't think it can really sink in either until you experience it first hand. I guess walking in the door from school, and having your father tell you that he's really an alcoholic and checking into a hospital for treatment will really wake anyone up from their ignorant slumber.

The feeling I got that day was unbearable, and I had to go to work too. I would never wish anything like that on even my worst enemy.

This is all coming out now because of a situation that has just surfaced with Chad. As most of you know, he quit smoking a while ago, mostly because of me. He did pretty well for the first 4 months, but his cravings are coming back. He's getting depressed, edgy, irritable, and he's basically a wreck right now. Seeing him in a state like this is just tearing my heart out, because I know too well the horrible sting of addiction. It just destroys me inside to know that it could've been prevented.

I hate this situation, and I honestly would do anything in my power to make him better. I just hope beyond anything that this doesn't affect our relationship. Because I've seen that happen too.

Wake up.

~Addy
- posted by Eddie @ 3:43 PM