Ok, well I'm just overflowing with emotions, so while I SHOULD be getting to bed, I have to let this all out.

Yes, I do feel like crying.

Yes, I do feel like drinking myself into a stupor so I don't feel anything anymore.

Yes, I want to scream at the top of my lungs until I pass out from lack of oxygen.

But...

No, I am in NO WAY WHATSOEVER upset with Chad.

I realize that things in life happen. Sometimes things don't always work out the way you want them to...but you know, you get over it. Getting over obstacles is what makes us better, and learn more in life. So while this may feel fucking horrible right now...it'll be ok. Chad once told me that love can often involve sacrifices. So after all the sacrifices Chad made for me, this one is ok for me.

I just need someone to be with me on May 26th. That's all.

And I need Chad to be with me tomorrow, to tell me he loves me and that he's wishes things could be different....to hug me and hold me while I cry like an idiot. That's not too much to ask is it?

I just wish it wasn't a girl.

But like I said, I am overflowing with emotions at this point, so I am going to go cry like crazy. Hopefully Chad won't be mad about me drinking the rest of the Bailey's tonight. I really need it.

God I love you Chad. Nothing will change that.

I softly kiss her
And silently whisper
Three small words
"I love you"
~Addy
- posted by Eddie @ 11:40 PM