What is wrong with me?? I am NOT depressed, whiny, emo or anything else. So why the fuck have I been feeling like this all week? This isn't Addy...Addy is happy, carefree and doesn't give a fuck about how she is seen by others. Am I being posessed by some whiny headcase bitch? Most likely yes.

I feel...
-Nervous
-Angry
-Jittery
-Insecure
-Irritable
and more than anything else...
-Ugly as fuck

It seems that as of last night, my self esteem has crashed and burned faster than a plane on 9/11 (oooooh edgy comparison). The whole "ring girl" thing made me look at myself closely, and compare myself to other girls. I'm not a model. I am not the model type. I cannot model.

I'm not even good-looking in ANY way in my own eyes right now.

I don't feel good enough to present myself to a crowd (no matter who may be in that crowd Chad!). I'm just....shy little Addy. I don't dress up, I don't try to impress, and I sure as hell don't have the confidence to show myself off in that way.

A good thing though. I get to see Chad tomorrow after about a week of seperation. Hopefully being with the person I love more than anything will help me feel better, because it usually does. Maybe he'll help me get back to regular, confident Addy, because deep down I know that I'm beautiful in my own way...I'm just having trouble seeing it right now.

Please let it be tomorrow right now....

...did it work?

...dammit.


Magic's in the makeup
~Addy
- posted by Eddie @ 11:36 PM