Something is bothering me. Chad said something tonight on the phone that really got to me.

We were talking about how it's kind of lame that we only see each other once a week, but it's ok, considering we both sort of have things we need to do. He has wrestling and work, I have school and hockey. It works out that we see each other for about 2 days a week, it's ok.

However, he was saying how he doesn't really see his friends much anymore, and I don't really either. I have good reason, considering Tommy and Travis always working, Derek has the baby, Jocey has Phil and her acting, and my school friends...well...there's usually just not alot going on with them that I really want to do. Same with Chad. He is working alot, and he tells me that bars aren't really his thing, which is what his friends mostly want to do (from what I understand).

Chad told me that Darcy said he should "take a weekend off from Addy" and spend some time with his friends. I know it's a good idea, and Chad does need to see his friends, but there's something about the whole stigma of spending "too much time" with your boyfriend or girlfriend that really gets to me. What's wrong with spending so much time with a boyfriend or girlfriend? Seriously, no one says ANYTHING if 2 best friends hang out all the time, how does dating someone make it any different?

I hate to sound selfish, but when I heard Chad say that, I got angry. Seeing Chad is basically the highlight of my week, and I hate that it's only on weekends that I see him, but there's not really anything I can do about it. I'm sorry everyone that I'm only 17 and can't go out to bars like you all want to. I'm sorry I can't do everything you want me to be able to do, I'm sorry I'm not good enough. Maybe I should just fuck off and leave Chad alone so he can hang out with his legal aged friends all the time whenever he wants to. I'm sorry I'm "stealing" Chad away from his friends, I'm sorry he wants to spend time with me, and I'm sorry that we make each other happy.

Back to my point from before. I seriously don't see what's wrong with spending so much time with a boyfriend or girlfriend. If your relationship is good, and healthy, and makes you happy, why shouldn't you? I consider Chad to be my best friend as well as my boyfriend, and I enjoy spending time with him. It's not like all we do is sit around being touchy feely or having sex, we actually do things...like go places and stuff.

When Cedric and I were best friends, we would hang out nearly every day. We would spend weekends together and hours and hours on end just hanging out. Why didn't anyone tell me this was wrong? Why didn't anyone say that I should leave Cedric alone to hang out with other people? How is this any fucking different (apart from the sex)? I would MUCH rather have maybe...2 or 3 close close friends, and Chad, than have a whole bunch of so called lame "friendships". Why is it so wrong for me to be close with a small number of people? Do I need to have a huge network of friends to be happy in life?

I'm not saying that I'm burning bridges with my friends, I still talk to alot of my friends at school and everything, but it's just that there are only a certain number of people that really share my interests, and that I can stand to be around for more than a few hours. I just don't see why people look down upon those of us who are in relationships who actually enjoy being with our significant other.

A good example is Jocey and are I right now. Jocelyn knows I love her to death, and I love hanging out with her. But she also understands that I love Chad dearly too, and I only see him once a week, so she is happy to let me go see him when I get the chance. Same way she is with Phil. I love hanging out with Jocelyn, but I can talk to her at school and call her up whenever I feel like it. She and Phil go to different schools, and live far away from each other, so when she wants to hang with PJ, for fuck sakes, I want her to go and be happy, have a good time. I don't understand how people can be so rude and lay such guilt trips on people for wanting to be with someone they love.

And just to make things even worse, the same people that complain about never seeing someone because of the girlfriend situation...when they are finally asked to hang out, say no for some stupid reason (usually out of spite). People don't know how to swallow their pride and just accept some things the way they are.

Right now, as it stands, I would be completely happy in life if I had Chad, Jocelyn, Phil, my "nighttime friends" (as Derek once said), and a few of my boys from school. That's about 7 people in total. Why you ask? I don't know, it's just the way I am. You think it's stupid? Fuck you, I don't care.

So I'm going to do my homework right now, because I am 17, still in high school, and nothing is going to change that. Anyone who thinks I spend too much time with Chad can go fuck themselves. I love him, and I will always put his hapiness first, I would never do anything to hurt him.

I'm the Better of Two Evils
~Addy
- posted by Eddie @ 8:41 PM