I hate this I hate this I hate this

I hate this side of me. I hate the fact that this aspect is always going to be a part of my personality no matter how hard I try to repress it. I've tried for nearly 4 years to keep this side of me buried deep down, but it seems to always rear it's ugly head no matter how good things are going.

It's not what you're thinking, it's not EddiE coming out. EddiE is just anger, this is something much much worse...insecurity and jelousy.

I don't know why it happens. I think Jocelyn took the words right out of my mouth when she said that "she trusts the boy, but doesn't trust the words".

Fucking words that have been said to me too many times before. "She means nothing"..."She's a friend"..."She's an OLD love interest." FUCK I FUCKING CAN'T STAND IT.

Maybe it's the alcohol in me talking right now, since I did down some whiskey to calm myself...but whatever, I'm so fucking angry with myself and depressed right now that I just want to curl up and go to sleep. Let Chad finish keeping Darcy and that girl happy. I'm so fucking sick of myself and feeling this way.

I love myself more than anyone I know...but there's times when I honestly feel like I deserve to be shot in the head for acting this way.
- posted by Eddie @ 7:36 PM