Tonight, I have had a revelation...

For the past 3 or so years that I have been trying to get my whole music thing together, I've been met with many many dissapointments. I've had a few bands, none of which worked out. I've heard so many new genres that I've gotten lost in all the pointless labels. I've been met with so much criticism that I actually thought of abandoning the whole music idea altogether. I've been told that I'll never make it in the music industry, I'm not talented enough, don't have the right image, don't stand out enough. Well....for all those people who have told me something along those lines...I have 3 words for you...

GO FUCK YOURSELVES

You see, tonight I had a thought hit me. I don't fucking care about you people and what you think about my music. I don't care if you think I won't make it, and I'm not going to let stupid fucking people like you hold me back anymore. From now on, all the music I make, whatever "genre" it may be, will be for me and me alone. Not hardcore enough for you? Fuck off. Not metal enough for you? Fuck off. Not catchy enough for you? FUCK RIGHT OFF. If I like it, that's all I care about.

This thought has been crossing my mind ever since Chad started playing his songs for me. Some people laughed when I told them about Chad's solo project, saying that it'll never go anywhere. But Chad couldn't care less. He makes his music for himself, as a way to express himself. I was always jelous whenever I listened to him play, because I wished I had the courage just to go with whatever came out of my head like he does.

Also, Chad showed me his brother's cd. It's so original, has so many influences, and could honestly be marketed as something new and upcoming. But even so, Chad told me that his brother didn't care if it ever even got off the ground, he just wanted to make the cd. Just wanted to make music, make his songs come to life.

So why have these 2 influenced me so much? Well, the main reason I think is because it's JUST THEM. They didn't need a band to make their music, they didn't need connections and fancy recording studios. They had some instruments, a computer in the basement, and a fucking lot of emotions to tell the world about. So this is now why I am going to announce my new project, starting immediately.

I say fuck bands. Fuck all you asshole guys that thought I wasn't good enough for you. Fuck all you people that thought I wasn't deep enough into your clique/genre to appreciate and make music...

I am now going solo.

Yes, yes, yes. You heard it first folks. I have a new goal. I am going to create a cd of my own, with at least 8 songs on it. What genre you ask? Well...whatever the fuck I feel like to be honest. One day I may record something just on piano. One day...maybe an acoustic guitar song. Maybe someday I'll record 8 tracks of guitar, drums, bass, keyboard and whatever else I have lying around and make the craziest metal song you've ever heard...but it will be MINE. I won't have anyone telling me whether it's good or not. And if they do tell me it's good or not, I won't care either way (even though positive feedback is always appreciated).

I guess I'm comparing myself to a potential new female version of Nine Inch Nails. Trent made whatever the fuck kind of music he wanted, all by himself. He had some people help him out on some tracks, which I very well may do as well, but it was still his music alone. He has songs that sound like nearly every genre ever created. I want that. I want to have everything. It may take a long time to complete, but it will happen, I guarantee it.

Tonight, I finished writing the first full acoustic guitar song I have ever written completely by myself. I don't care if no one else likes it, I love it. I am so pleased with myself. I love music. It will always be the biggest part of my life...along with love.

So thanks again everyone for being assholes and pushing me to do what I think I was really destined to do. And thanks to Chad for inspiring me more than anyone ever has, you're the one person who believes in me and what I do. I love you.

Further Down The Spiral
~Addy

P.S. I'll throw in a plug for Chad here because he has inspired me so much. So I suggest you listen to his songs on Myspace.
www.myspace.com/saddestfaction
And if anyone wants to hear more songs, tell me and I'll talk to Chad about getting you a sampler.
- posted by Eddie @ 10:54 PM