Holy fuck kids.

Alright honestly, this morning fucked me up. I was beyond scared. I had probably one of the most fucked dreams I've had in a long time last night. I remember a lot of it, but I won't get into all the details, because there's a few parts in there that I'll probably only want a few people to know. Let's just say, that there were a few things that happened that I wish would actually happen in real life. So anyway, I know you're saying "but Addy, I've had wierd dreams before, why is this so wierd and scary?", well I'll tell you! I woke up, and I was lying there thinking of how wierd that dream was, when I noticed my pillow was kind of wet. And when I sat up, I realized that, oh my god, I'm crying. I was crying in my sleep, and I still was crying at that moment. I just then had this enormous rush of emotion because of what happened in the dream, and I just started freaking out and crying hysterically, and I'm still not sure why it just happened like that.

I mean really. What would cause something like that to happen? I hadn't even thought about anything related to what happened in the dream for so long, and then it just all came back so suddenly. I cried for at least 15 minutes, alone, in my room, barely awake. It was so fucked.

After I regained my composure, I just sat in bed, thinking how fucking wierd that was. And how suddenly now, I'm fine, and I feel perfectly ok. I got up and got dressed and went to work, still feeling a little out of it, but still ok.

All day at work, I couldn't stop thinking about that moment. It didn't help either when Matt came in and told me stories about what had happened at the bar last night (again, all related), and then to top things off, we watched The Butterfly Effect at work. Holy kick in the face.

So I'm home now. I've been reading over some old blogs to try and figure some things out. You know, figure out where "I went wrong". I guess today was the ultimate slap in the face to let me know that I'm alone. I guess it's a good thing, I was pretty stupid to think that 2 years of being head over heels in love with someone can be erased in the span of a few weeks. There's nothing else I want more in the world right now than to just be with him for one more day.

I just realized that you'd have to be retarded not to have figured out what my dream was about...oh well, it's not like he reads this anymore anyway...

And yes I know this is a Blink 182 song, shut the fuck up.

I'm sick of always hearing
All the sad songs on the radio
All day it is there to remind an over sensitive guy
That he's lost and alone
I hate our favorite restaurant, favorite movie, our favorite show
We would stay up all through the night
We would laugh and get high
And never answer the phone
I can't forgive
Can't forget
Can't give in
What went wrong
Cause you said this was right
You fucked up my life
I'm sick of always hearing
Sappy love songs on the radio
This place is fucking cursed and it's plagued
And I can never escape when my heart it explodes
I can't forgive
Can't forget
Can't give in
What went wrong
Cause you said this was right
You fucked up my life
I'm kicking out fiercely at the world around me
What went wrong
I'm kicking
~Addy

P.S. If you really care enough about this, go to March of 2004 and see what significance the Butterfly Effect actually has.
- posted by Eddie @ 6:27 PM