Addy + Jocey = Less than 3....woah, that works in more ways than I thought

Sooooo, yesterday was rocking to say the least. Just because it was so great, I'll go over all of it so you can appreciate and bask in it's glory. If you don't like my version, you can go over to Jocey's blog because she tells the same story, yeah we're cool. Also, I'm going to attempt to write out this story Tucker Max-style. I hope it works out. (p.s. this will be long, so you might want to get a chair or something)

11:56 am: Walking to work, hung over and tired from the night before. I faintly remember something about there being alot of bookings that day.

12:08pm: I arrive at work, late. I am disappointed to see that there are already people waiting to play. I curse to myself in the back room.

1:00: I look at the clock. I am happy that no one else has to come in to play yet, things are going pretty well so far.

1:30: People come in and want to play. I try to convince them they won't have fun without more than 10 people playing because I don't want to serve them. They insist on staying, I curse again in the back room.

2:00: A fat kid and his dad come in and want to play. The fat kid freaks out because his dad won't pay for his entrance. I think this kid talks like Napolean Dynamite, I laugh to myself.

2:15: People are now coming in at a steady rate. I am angry about this. I wish I had coffee.

3:00: About 20 more people have come in. I tell myself I only have 2 hours left. I feel a little better.

3:20: A lady tells me that our prices are too high, and insists that we raised them from last year. I tell her no, she insists again. I don't feel better anymore. I feel like slapping this woman.

4:00: Matt comes in, this makes me happy.

4:30: Matt tells me that I touched his crotch more than once the night before while I was drunk. I consider dipping my hand in bleach.

5:00: My shift is over. I consider staying around and waiting to say hello to Calvin. I decide sitting at my computer is more important.

5:20: I get home. I think I should do laundry. I decide watching a re-run of the Simpsons is more important.

6:00: Jocelyn messages me telling me she is bored. We banter back and forth for a while

6:15: We get on the topic of restaurants. I tell her about my lack of experience with eating out. Jocelyn decides she will take me out for dinner. I like food, especially when free. I say yes.

6:30: I arrive at Jocelyn's house and we go over to the field.

6:35: Matt shows Jocelyn and Calvin the video of him on Salvia. I try to do commentary for the video, no one laughs.

6:40: Me and Jocelyn go over to Tim Horton's to try a new "hot smoothee" that is apparently new. I am skeptical about the exsitence of the drink.

6:45: When Jocelyn walks into Tim Horton's, the staff acts as though a celebrity has just walked in to the store. They shower her with praise and attention.

6:47: We order the hot smoothee, an orange one. I clearly tell the person working I want a size small, he gives me an extra large. I am confused.

6:48: We are waiting for the drink. The people working still have all their attention on Jocelyn. I try to make jokes, no one laughs. I am unhappy that I am not the center of attention, I am an outsider.

6:49: The drink comes. I was proven wrong, it did exist. It tasted alot like a hot melted creamsicle. My happiness is restored by the warm beverage.

6:55: We are waiting for the bus to come. We talk about Jocelyn's ex boyfriend having a fat girlfriend. An old lady is beside us devouring a chocolate bar like a starving dog. I decide I shouldn't laugh out loud at her.

7:05: The bus comes. We sit in the back on the high seat. I like the high seat. This makes me happy.

7:10: We arrive downtown. I am secretly hoping I don't run into Georgia.

7:12: We get on the Stone Road bus. There are wierd patterns all over the seats. I am slightly confused.

7:25: We arrive at the mall and decide to walk through the mall to get to the restaurant. A few stores are closed when we walk in. I get worried that the mall is actually closing and that we will get in trouble. Jocelyn tells me I'm an idiot.

7:35: We get to the restaurant. There are a lot of people standing at the doors. I am confused.

7:40: There is a 35 minute wait for a table. I am unhappy.

7:42: Me and Jocelyn both realize that there is a Swiss Chalet across the street. I am happy.

7:50: We arrive at Swiss Chalet. We are seated almost immediatley. I mentally put East Side Mario's on my enemies list, seeing as how they were just shown up by Swiss Chalet.

7:55: We are seated at a table for 4 people. Jocelyn and I sit on the bench on the same side of the table. I think we must look strange, but then I remember this was how Jesus and his apostles sat at the last supper. I feel better than everyone else there.

8:00: Our waiter comes. He is a foreign boy of about our age. He seems very nervous and awkward. He tells us his name is Elvis. I try not to laugh. We order our drinks. Elvis leaves.

8:02: Jocelyn and I both make fun of Elvis' name and awkward demeanor.

8:12: Elvis returns with our drinks. He cannot remember who ordered what. He openly admits this.

8:15: We order our food. I have a honey garlic chicken dinner that Elvis described to me earlier. I feel stupid for actually ordering the special of the day.

8:17: Elvis leaves. We laugh at him again.

8:30: I am regretting ordering just water. I look longingly at the ice tea at the table next to us.

8:35: Our food comes. Elvis brings us some dipping sauce and makes a joke about Jocelyn not needing hers. I put out the fakest laugh I can.

8:40: Jocelyn and I talk about good salads. We stop talking and eat our food, it is delicious.

9:00: We finish our food. Elvis comes back and takes our plates. He comments on Jocelyn's pickiness in terms of the vegetables. I don't laugh this time.

9:10: Elvis returns again. I wonder why it took him so long to put plates away. I know already what I want for dessert, but I want Elvis to earn his tip. I tell him to get the dessert menu for us.

9:15: Elvis bring us the menu. We order frozen yogurt. Elvis leaves. I wonder why he didn't ask us what flavour we wanted. I am confused.

9:30: We finish our dessert and pay and leave. We decide to go to Ultra because Jocey needs change for bus fare, and Ryan may or may not be working there.

9:32: I remember that they have cannolis. This makes me happy. I daydream about Frank for a while.

9:35: We walk straight to the back where the pastries are. I see a lady walk into the back. She sees us too. She does not stop and come serve us.

9:36: Still waiting for service.

9:37: Still waiting.

9:38: Still waiting. I consider yelling at the lady.

9:39: Still waiting. I consider yelling something rude and sexist at the lady.

9:40: The lady finally comes back. I ask for 2 cannolis, I do not thank her when she gives them to me.

9:42: I see my friend Aaron with some people. I say hello to him. He says hello to Jocelyn even though he doesn't know her. I quickly regret greeting him.

9:43: We go around the store looking for Ryan. I realize that I really don't care that much.

9:45: We get in line at the checkout. I pay for my item. Jocelyn gets her gum scanned. The girl at the cash literally slaps the gum down on the counter in front of Jocelyn. I wonder what her problem is.

9:48: We get outside. We realize that we don't know where the closest bus stop is. I am worried.

9:50: We walk to the bus stop at the mall. A bus is just leaving. I am upset that we just missed the bus.

9:51: I see that the bus is full of University students. I am not upset anymore about missing it.

9:55: We wait for the bus. There are some loud people sitting on the stairs near the mall. Jocelyn hopes they're not drunk.

10:10: Jocelyn and I exchange sad boyfriend stories. We decide that Shay and Dave are asses. We feel better having belittled them.

10:30: The bus comes. About 20 University students come out of nowhere and jump on the bus with us. I give out some hateful looks. I loudly tell Jocelyn that I dislike the University students.

10:32: We are forced to stand on the bus. My hand keeps touching someone elses hand on the bus. I don't like this.

10:35: We discuss whether it would be worth taking our own lives to kill the University students by crashing the bus. We agree that it would be. The guy standing behind me laughs at my joke.

10:36: Jocelyn mentions something about 9/11. I tell her about Darcy's 9/11 Halloween costume. She laughs. So does the guy behind me. I am the center of attention. I enjoy it.

10:37: I realize that the girl beside me on the bus is arabic. I hope she didn't hear my 9/11 joke. I remind myself that I am funny, if she can't take a joke, fuck her.

10:40: A bunch of University students get off the bus. I am happy about this. Jocelyn is too. She claps loudly at their exit to show her approval. I say loudly that the bus just got smarter. People don't laugh. I remind myself that we are better than they are.

10:43: We see Sam, Eric and Ben downtown. We run out to see them. Sam seems displeased with our presence. I ignore him. They are trying to buy pot, and are failing terribly.

10:44: We offer to find them pot. Jocelyn loudly announces that I could use my nipple ring to get some. I touch my breast to emphasize her point. Strangers watch me do this.

10:50: We are invited to a party that is an apparent sausage fest. I consider going, because Jocelyn and I would be the hottest ones there. I remember that I am a horny drunk and bad things could happen. I say no.

11:00: We walk by Travis' house. I want my Mike's that is in his fridge. I remember that he is probably with Lindzie in Hamilton. I briefly consider trying to break into his apartment.

11:05: I show Jocelyn where Tyler threw up the previous night. She seems unimpressed.

11:20: We get to my house. Spencer tries to talk to me on msn, I ignore him. I grab my vodka and we leave.

11:25: Outside my house, we see 2 people walking towards us. It is Randy and Benson. I am confused. Randy hugs me and kisses me on the lips. I pretend not to be disgusted,

11:30: We walk over to an old warehouse. I am slightly worried. We get inside and I see my sister, drunk. I am no longer afraid. I am now worried about the cleanliness of this room.

11:35: Randy wants us to cut his hair. We walk back to my house and get hair clippers. We can't find anywhere to plus it in. Randy talks to some guy walking by. Randy is very drunk.

11:37: We go back inside the warehouse. There are some guys there. One of them is very attractive. I consider talking to him more. I remember that I am not drunk, and would have no excuse to have casual sex with him. I am slightly disappointed.

11:40: Randy tells the guys to "play some fcuking music", they are all obviously very stoned and drunk. I worry that the music will sound terrible.

11:42: Randy tells the guys that I am a "wicked bassist player", I laugh. I know I'm not that good. I pretend that I think I'm the best bassist ever.

11:45: The guys play a song. I am impressed. I think they sound like Hopesfall. I secretly fantascize about playing in their band.

11:48: The boys play another song. Randy walks up to all of them and smokes them all up while they play. I am impressed the drummer can play and smoke a bong at the same time.

11:50: We find an outlet to plug in the hair clippers. They are broken. Randy is upset.

11:52: Jocelyn and I decide to leave. Randy kisses me again, this time his mouth is slightly open. I can smell beer on his breath. I try not to show how disgusted I am.

11:53: I realize I did not get the name of the attractive singer. I am unhappy.

12:00: We get to Jocelyn's house. Her dad is on the computer. I am eerily reminded of my own father.

12:03: I see a poster of HIM in Jocelyn's room. I laugh to myself about how Finnish they look.

12:05: Jocelyn shows me some things Shay gave her. I feel her pain. I do not show much emotion as I am scanning the room for a marker. I want to write on her door.

12:07: We go downstairs to find drinks to mix. We are amazed that she actually has sparkling lemonade. I put a Mike's in my pocket and manage to get upstairs past her dad. I feel clever, and proud of myself.

12:15: We mix our vodka and lemonade. It is good. I am tired and the alcohol hits me hard. I do not admit this.

12:20: We put on Land Before Time. I am nearly drunk. Childhood memories flood back to me, I am worried that I will cry during the movie.

1:00: I make it to the end of the movie without crying. I am secretly relieved. We make my bed. I am very drunk and tired. I fall asleep instantly.

WOW...that took me about 2 hours to write, holy shit. I have never had so much respect for Tucker Max in my life. I need to go outside, excuse me.

www.tuckermax.com

You can have my absence of faith
You can have my everything.
~Addy
- posted by Eddie @ 5:33 PM